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I never want to know you.

I want to wonder, want to slide back-down and backwards across your glissandos,
linger over the breaths and pauses,
pour into the warm and dark hollows that you curve into your words,
nestle there like water or skin:

I want to sink into the cracks between consonants, smooth them over,
find the sighs folded into the velvet roundness of an O,
contemplate each brightly fractured e in your name, how it
is wrenched open to the world, wounded, and still
curled tight as a fist over the wound:

I want to drink poetry like tea,
in sips, with sugar,
and then in longer draughts until it washes down my throat like heat
and I forget, for a moment, that winter lasts longer than this
and I am far from home:

I want to find you in dead trees and bathroom stalls,
carved with some memory of permanence into the flat surfaces of my world
accompanied by numbers I will never call
for fear of breaking the intimacy of anonymity:

I want to picture you (a picture of you) with your hair haloed round your head,
eyes closed, in an abandoned playground before sunset;
I want to imagine your childhood as if remembering, in grayscale, pieces of a smile, a swing, a song;
I want to discover fragments of your letters and say,
ah yes
that’s you
I found you:

I love you,
But I do not want to know you.
Reading poetry is like writing love letters to a stranger.

For *estallidos, whom I will probably never know.
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CheshireMoonHime Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2016  Student Traditional Artist
Wow, I love this! 
MichaelaDream Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2014
Gorgeous, gorgeous. I love it, I am also a writer or poetry, if you have time you can read some of mine poetry if you would like
Elaine-Moon Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my goodness. This is absolutly amazing.
Daystar-Art Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello there, it's feature time :) [link]
meganbreukelman Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2011  Professional Photographer
this is beautiful in so many ways.
orangelover43 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2011
Atropaean Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2010
The extended liquid metaphor makes the whole poem very cohesive. I really like it. The first stanza with its musical reference and overall tone was my favourite, but I think the second stanza was the most original.
DeepBlueSea17 Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2010
I love the raw emotion that this poem evokes. Truly breathtaking!
Sora-Seraph Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Gorgeous, gorgeous. You've echoed estallidos' style, but you've made it your own, fit your own soul between the words and laced each line with this tingly kind of happy-sadness. It's refreshing, and ravishing, and riveting, and I'm so very glad I read it.
Rain-of-Stars Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2009
costello7 Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2009
estallidos Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2008   Writer
i don't know what the fuck is with me lately, but i'm sobbing my eyes out. which may or may not have to do with your poem.
(by that i mean: definitely may have to do with. may have everything to do with.)
sooo i'm sitting here trying to reread it but the words are jetstreaming across horizontally and it's making it fucking difficult and making me say the word fuckandmyfingers aren't working right dkas they are making ldskja;l random chains of letters and i guess this was a thank you but it's coming out all wrong so i'll trytrytryagainthankyou.
thank you.

this is beautiful.
theashesrisetoo Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2008   Writer
You're welcome. I think you're beautiful. I'd say I'm sorry for making you cry, but maybe it's a good thing?

(Also I think I may have lied when I said I didn't want to know you. I think I do. But I think I'm afraid to.)
estallidos Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2008   Writer
i think right now it's a good thing. my day has been sort of monotonous and tragic, but i refused to accept it.
this feels like a culmination of all things good and bad, and it feels like letting go.
which is nice.

(secretly i'm eleven times more interesting on paper than i am in person. all i do is hide from people and throw pens at the wall when i get bored).
theashesrisetoo Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2008   Writer
(Secretly I lie in bed at two in the afternoon and tell myself I'm sleeping. It never works.)
estallidos Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2008   Writer
i wish it would.
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Submitted on
December 14, 2008
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